RAINING BLOOOOOOOD

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 07:14:06 GMT

it's a quarter after one, i'm all alone and i need you now.

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:01:39 GMT

i just got home from my nice, relaxing weekend in dallas with my parents and brother. it was probably the first weekend in a long time that i was sober the whole time, and i have to admit it was pretty nice. back to school again tomorrow and the stress that comes along with it :(

i've decided that for halloween i'm either going to be a flapper or a goddess. i'm not sure which one to be yet though...

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 01:31:50 GMT

it smells like someone smoked weed in my bathroom.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 04:39:57 GMT

one more week and i'm finally back in san marcos! living at home blows, seriously. it's gonna be nice having my own place finally, i'm just dreading the actual packing/moving process. i bought a macbook pro from the apple store yesterday and i am absolutely in love with it. i just need to figure out the easiest way to transfer all my music from my last laptop to this one and i'm good to go. i just need to get it repaired first...

i had a really good time with a really fun group of people last night. tyler is a really awesome guy and i enjoy spending time with him. he is the funniest sleep talker everrrrr.

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 23:09:01 GMT

port a was so much fun! but now it's back to the real world.

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 03:33:51 GMT

tomorrow will be a productive day. i tell myself that every night but this time i really mean it. first i'm gonna wake up early and go for a jog while it's still kind of cool out. it's so frustrating to me how i want to work out but can just never find the time to go to the gym, so i think i'm just gonna start doing it at home when i have time and canceling my gym membership that i never use anyways. after my jog i'm going to clean my room. it's gotten terrible, it really has. i never stay at home anymore and when i am here i throw all my dirty clothes on the floor and get my clean clothes from the hamper that i never emptied from the last time i did laundry. it's a bad system that i desperately need to break. i'm gonna get my oil changed for sure. i'd say i'm about 2,000 miles overdue. i've been driving so much lately and the miles just keep adding up.

i'm excited about fiesta texas with my favorite people on thursday. it's gonna be soo hot but i really don't even care. next thursday alison is coming to the beach with my family and me like she does every summer and that's gonna be pretty fun, as well! THEN the thursday after i'm going to see kid cudi and asher roth in austin! my thursdays seem to be pretty booked for a while. it'll be nice to get a few days off from work for sure.

today i watched the movie 'the last kiss' with tyler and it reminded me just how fucked up some relationships can be. it also made me realize that a relationship isn't something that i really want or need right now, and i don't think it's something he wants or needs either. i like what we are right now even though sometimes i might say otherwise. i like that we're together, but we're not. we give each other space to do our own thing and we don't have to see each other everyday, but he still opens my doors, pays for me, and kisses my forehead. it really is nice and it's exactly what i need.

anyways, so those are the main things i need to do tomorrow. maybe if i have time i'll squeeze tanning in before i work at 4:30. tomorrow will be a good day.

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:37:42 GMT

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 07:20:59 GMT

as of right now my lastfm says that i listened to starstrukk by 3OH!3 seven times in a row. i really didn't think it was that many times but it might have been? HA
speaking of lastfm, here is mine: http://www.last.fm/user/shwatyouusay

add me if you have one!

it's 5am

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 10:07:04 GMT

wow, it's been a while. i guess the only appropriate thing to do would be to update with pictures from the last month or so.

today's horoscope

Fri, 22 May 2009 17:04:02 GMT

Your adventurous spirit longs to go out and see the world, dear Leo. You are feeling braver than usual, and the independent, wild side of you is not scared to venture out. Under normal circumstances, you may not want to stray far from your home without the company of another, but on a day like this, you only need yourself and a good pair of walking shoes. Feel free to be a bit selfish about what you want to do and how you want to do it. The number one priority for you is to have a good time. Let others tag along if they want.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Mon, 11 May 2009 00:55:07 GMT

andy samberg is so attractive :)

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:19:02 GMT

i finally made an appointment to get my hair fixed next saturday! i'm pretty excited, my hair is going to look soo much better. today i have a test in nutrition that i didn't really study for but for some reason i don't even care! i'm having a skinny day so i'm in a great mood. also, after class i'm heading out to the lake to play guitar hero all night with wes and adam. i think that it's so funny how they're two dudes in a rock back but i can toootally own them at gh. i beat the game on hard in one day so now i gotta move up to expert! i spent like $90 on that thing so i should probably start pacing myself. anyways, i'm pretty into the new metallica cd and i can't stop listening to it. adam has a metallica channel on his badass tv and it's pretty fun to listen to while we're big chillin. hahaha

anyways, i guess i should study before my 11oclock :(

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 16:33:43 GMT

no work today! i had asked off to go to marley fest but wes didn't ask off so that's not gonna happen anymore. it's raining anyways so i probably wouldn't have had that much fun. i'm staying in at my house instead and doing my laundry and studying. so i'm pretty excited to do nothing all day. i'm gonna gain so much weight this summer when i move back into this house because all they buy is junk food and i have no self control. i'm just gonna have to start working out a lot more, i guess! i'm so glad it's finally raining. we need it so bad, the lake especially. it needs to fill up by summer, which is less than a month away! hard to believe school is almost over. i'm so excited. i'm going to make so much money this summer and save up for mine and alison's apartment. i can't wait to move innnn! i kind of hope summer goes by fast. i want to be on my own sooo bad. soon :)

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 04:10:40 GMT

alice in chains is all that i listen to. it makes me miss him even more. i cry and cry every time i hear 'don't follow' because i picture the time he played it for me on his guitar, and then i think of everything he has ever played for me on the guitar, and how i'm gonna miss his guitar playing along with everything else he used to do, and everything we did together. it's amazing how one person can have such an absolutely amazing effect on your life and you almost feel empty when you know they won't be in it anymore. at least for a while, until we're both ready. but who knows how long that will take. so badly i want to undo everything, but i know that it's for the best. we both do. we both knew this day would come eventually, and it's just as bad as we both expected. it's gonna be a long road to recovery. it just really sucks knowing that i won't have his shoulder to cry on.

FUCK MY LIFE

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:48:10 GMT

i cannot get any sleep no matter how hard i try! two nights ago i lied in bed for hours wide awake, got up and did stuff for about an hour, then didn't actually fall asleep until around 4, only to get up at 7. the weather was so shitty and rainy and cold yesterday and wasn't very good for my already declining immune system so i skipped out on my last two classes so that i could come sleep. my nap was unsuccessful and i just lied in bed the whole time until i finally accepted the fact that there was no way i could fall asleep. for the rest of the day yesterday i felt like shit and i was so tired i couldn't focus on anything i was doing. i was excited when i got in bed last night because i knew that my first class today wasn't until 12:30 and that i could sleep in. BUT NO. GOD OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T WANT ME SLEEPING. bright and early at 7:30 i wake up to the loudest chainsaw i have ever heard and i am absolutely 100% positive that no one on earth, i don't care how heavy of a sleeper you are, could possibly sleep through what i am hearing right now. i looked out my window and just a few feet away there are construction workers chainsawing the fucking ground and it doesn't seem like it's ever going to end. apparently that's how they get those little lines in sidewalks. i hate staying here. those god damn construction workers wake me up every morning, but this morning has been the absolute worst. i would fucking get a dorm on the side of the building where the construction site is located. i don't know what is wrong with me. i need sleep or i will go insane.

thunderstorms make me think of...

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 03:30:34 GMT

things i wish i had:

curves (boobs, bigger butt, etc)
my apartment
money to go shopping
money for things i need (like school)
money in general
long, healthy hair (with no ugly roots)
better teeth
toned stomach/legs
amazing knowledge in philosophy and history
more clothes
the ability to download music in my dorm
less acquaintances and more close friends
a nicer grandma
better skin
a smaller/newer phone
more food in my room to eat
guitar hero world tour for 360
a boyfriend that lives closer
parents that i saw more than once a month (if that)
more jewelry
cuter nose
the ability to not cry when i lose at monopoly/poker/video games
a tan
better social skills
to be a really good dancer
a macbook
a shower radio
a navigation system in my car
a straighter that doesn't turn off constantly while i'm using it
a good book to read
some hot chocolate

i need to start typing subjects...

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 05:25:52 GMT

i saw 'he's just not that into you' tonight with alison and it was so good! i'm glad i can see mushy movies with her and not be ashamed to cry, haha. before the movies we went to the gristmill and while we were there i tried to find someone to cover my shift friday night so i can go to the rodeo with my family but no luck :( i doubt it's going to work out but it sucks because i want to go and i know it would mean a lot to my dad if i did.
i'm thinking about going to mexico for spring break and actually bringing someone with me this time! i wanted alison and wes to come with me but i don't think alison has her passport. but hopefully maybe wes will! if we do that. we'll see, i guess.

bemko's cute lil puppy

<3

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 19:55:00 GMT

i hate whenever you have a dream about someone that you're close to and when you wake up it's hard not to see them differently. like, i know that what happened in my dream isn't true but at the same time, it kind of is? i don't know.
i'm pretty okay with my day right now because it turns out that my paper for nutrition won't be as hard to write as i thought it was going to be. so hopefully i'll finish that soon and all i'll have left to do is study for my bio test that i have tomorrow. THEN, tomorrow is already thursday (!) and the weekend is finally here.

movie night with mah crew friday? i think sooo.

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 19:02:27 GMT

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:51:46 GMT

i am hating this weather and i'm pretty stressed out.
i've been reminiscing a lot lately.

here we go again

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:15:25 GMT

i move back into my dorm this weekend. it really sucks because i've gotten so used to this lifestyle of working a few days a week, staying out every night and then coming home and passing out in the spare bedroom of my house. i'm giving up doing whatever i want everyday for late night adderall study sessions and more roommate problems. i'm stressing out about buying all of my books. i don't have much money right now and they're going to cost over $300. wes' birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, too. and i have to buy my slipknot tickets on saturday, so that's another 50 bucks at least.

man, i don't wanna fucking go back to the dorms. i'm tired of my roommate and her stupid fucking boyfriend, i'm tired of waking up EVERY MORNING at 8am to the construction right outside my window, i'm tired of my ditsy neighbors that apparently never sleep, and i'm tired of there being absolutely no parking EVER. quite frankly, there's not much of any reason at all why i want to go back. going to class and meeting new people is fun, i guess. and at least this semester i'm finally starting my nutrition classes so i'll have at least one interesting class. history is going to suck just like last semester, biology is going to be ridiculous, i don't even know what to expect in philosophy, comm. won't be that bad i hope but i have it on monday nights for almost 3 hours. it's also good that i only have to get up early one day a week for my 8am nutrition lab. i'm really hoping i meet some cool people this semester. i'm not very good with social skills and i'm not really using my advantage of living on campus at all. we'll see how that one goes, i guess.

i kind of feel like the detox pills i was taking were a waste of time. i'm pretty sure i lost no weight, which almost makes me want to take them up on their money-back guarantee. at the same time though, i wasn't really eating how i should or exercising much while i was taking them so i think i'm gonna try them again in a few weeks once i sign another year contract with my gym. i'm really going to try and start going as much as i used to. it's just so frustrating that a lot of the times when i want to go i decide not to because i don't want to not have a parking space when i get back. AAAGHH. part of me wants to start tanning, too. i've never done it before because i've always been so against it and everything but i'm just so tired of being pale. i would just use lotion but most of that stuff smells bad and usually leaves streaks.

i just want it to be summer already. i know it is going to be a good one. wes is gonna be moving out to san marcos finally and at the end of the summer me and alison are moving out too. i'm really gonna try to work a lot and save up a lot of money this summer because rent and my car payment and paying for school is going to be tough. the $250 my mom gives me every month is extremely helpful, but not enough. it will be so worth it though when we get our own place.

yesterday me and wes were both off. we woke up and went to ihop, chilled at his house all day, then went to alamo drafthouse for dinner and saw marley and me. i'm not so sure that today will be so fun. wes has school until 3 and then he works right after, so i won't be seeing him today. i think i'm going to do my laundry and pack all my shit up and hopefully take it to san marcos tomorrow after work. i'll probably stay at my house for the rest of the weekend, i don't want to move back until i have to. i guess i'll get started on that now so i can do something with al later.

i can already feel the stress ball accumulating in my stomach and nothing has even happened yet.

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 07:08:56 GMT

haha happy birthday, adam!

FAT

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 19:18:25 GMT

WHY CAN'T I LOSE WEIGHT UGGHHHH

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 18:57:34 GMT

so saturday i ended up going to the beach but it ended up being a bittersweet trip for me. on the drive up there all i did was dread calling into work and i just wanted to call and get it over with so i could feel better. but once i did call, the manager knew i was lying about being sick because some stupid bitch that was supposed to take my shift told him the night before that i needed my shift covered and he was like "well if you're gonna bail out on a busy saturday night you're gonna need a doctor's note before you can work again." so instead of feeling better after the phone call i just felt worse and that's all i could think about the whole time we were there. i'm so mad that i let that get to me and ruin my trip because everything turned out fine and he wasn't even there the next day at work. i go in again tonight and even if he is there i doubt he even remembers the whole thing. oh well, i still had some fun and i'm glad i got to hang out with jenna before she leaves for california!
oh, today i started my detox diet and i'm really excited! it seems pretty easy, the only downside is i have to take 12 pills a day and i suckkk at swallowing pills. today i got up early and went to the gym and afterward i sat in the sauna for a while. i can't wait until this week is over, i'm gonna feel so healthy! ALSO, both me and wes have the next two days off! that never happens. usually when i'm working he's off and vice versa, so having two days off together is like a miracle.

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 23:50:31 GMT

i wish the holidays weren't over. i had so much fun in dallas, i didn't want to come home. i love my mom and stepdad so much, they are so much fun to be around. as far as presents go, i got everything i wanted and more. wes really liked the scrapbook i made him, which is good because i worked so hard on it! i have to go back to work tomorrow and i am dreading it soo much. also, i need to see if i'm working on saturday and get out of it if i am because i want to go to the beach with jenna and the guys! we'll see what happens with that.

oh. i just ordered two bottles of 7 day detox online and i can't wait until they get here! i did my research and every forum i've read about it is full of people who have used it and lost weight! i WILL look good for spring break, i'm tired of feeling gross in a swimsuit.

here are some pictures from dallas:

mavs game!

p.s.
i can't believe it's 2009!